I'm a Doctor, 
not a ?

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This page was last updated on 02/20/01.

The "I'm a doctor, not a ?" humor was initiated in Star Trek TOS, vocalized
by Leonard 'Bones' McCoy. It has continued in other Star Trek series, and has even
been reversed by non-doctor characters. It has also been widely used in the Star
Trek novels.

The Original Series
"What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?" - McCoy, The
Corbomite Maneuver (TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer." - McCoy, The Devil in the Dark (TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist." - McCoy, The City on the
Edge of Forever (TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." - McCoy, The Doomsday Machine
(TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not an escalator." - McCoy, Friday's Child (TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." - McCoy, The Deadly Years (TOS)
"I'm not a magician, I'm just an old country doctor." - McCoy,
The Deadly Years (TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not a flesh peddler." - McCoy, Return to Tomorrow
(TOS)
"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner." - McCoy, The Empath (TOS)
"I'm not an engineer." - McCoy, The Empath (TOS)

The Next Generation
"I'm a doctor, not a magician." - Pulaski, The Royale (TNG)

Deep Space Nine
"I'm a doctor, not a botanist." - Bashir, The Wire (DS9)
"I'm a doctor, not a historian." - Bashir, Trials and
Tribble-ations (DS9)

Deep Space Nine Supplemental
"I'm an engineer, not a magician." - Kellin, The Siege of
AR-558

Voyager
"I'm a doctor, ... not a decorator!" - EMH, Phage (VOY/1)
"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." - EMH, Twisted (VOY/1)
"I'm a doctor, not a voyeur." - EMH, Parturition (VOY/2)
Doctor: "I shouldn't have to remind you. I'm a doctor
--"
Torres: "Not an engineer, right?" - Prototype (VOY/2)
"I'm a doctor, not a performer." - EMH, Investigations (VOY)
"I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent." - EMH, Basics - Part II
(VOY)
"I'm a doctor, not a database." - EMH, Future's End - Part II
(VOY)
"I'm a doctor, not a commando." - EMH Mark II, Message in a
Bottle (VOY)
"I'm a doctor, not a Peeping Tom. It's nothing I haven't seen
before." - EMH, Drone (VOY/5)
"I'm a doctor, not a battery." - EMH, Gravity (VOY/5)

Voyager: Supplemental
Twists on 'I'm a doctor, not a ....'
"I'm a pilot ..., not a doctor." - Paris, Message in a Bottle
(VOY)
"I'm a diagnostic tool, not an engineer." - Zimmerman
hologram, The Swarm (VOY/3)

The Movie Series
"I'm a doctor, not a doorstop." - EMH, Star Trek: First Contact

The Original Series Novels
"I'm a doctor, not a diplomat." - McCoy, TOS Novel #84 Assignment
Eternity by Greg Cox
"I'm a doctor, not a vet!" - McCoy, TOS Novel #84 Assignment Eternity
by Greg Cox
"I'm a doctor, not a soldier." - M'Benga, TOS Novel Avenger
by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm a doctor, not a computer." - EMH, TOS Novel Avenger by William
Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm a doctor, not an interior designer." - EMH, TOS Novel Avenger by
William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm a doctor, not a sideshow." - McCoy, TOS Novel Avenger by
William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm not a doctor anymore, I'm a medical
experiment." - McCoy, TOS Novel Spectre by
William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm a doctor, not a quantum mechanic."
- EMH, TOS Novel Spectre by
William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens
"I'm a doctor, not a navigator." - Doctor M'Benga,
TOS
Novel Dark Victory by William Shatner & Judith and
Garfield Reeves-Stevens

Next Generation Novels
"He isn't a doctor, he's a body processor." - Dr.
Crusher (re: Dr. Tang), #51 Infection (Double Helix Book 1 of 6) by John
Gregory Betancourt
"I'm a pilot, not a doctor." - Cardassian pilot (to
Pulaski): #52 Vectors (Double Helix Book 2 of 6) - Dean Wesley Smith
& Kristine Kathryn Rusch

Deep Space Nine Novels
"I'm a doctor, not an insurgent!" - Bashir, DS9 Novel #22 Vengeance
by Dafydd ab Hugh

Voyager Novels
"I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist...." - Doctor, Voyager Novel
#16 Seven of Nine by Christie Golden
"I'm a doctor, not a toastmaster." - Doctor, Voyager
Novel #18 Battle Lines by Dave Galanter and Greg Brodeur
